Mom called. She said that today was the last day she spoke to you. I feel so bad for all of us. I went back and looked at the journal entry from today last year. This was our last time together. Tomorrow our lives fall apart forever.
Thursday, December 05, 2002
a good night overall. we made two adjustments last night. i asked the resident to figure out how they were keeping henry comfortable when the pancreatitis was just diagnosed. she came back and said the dose of morphine was higher last week. so she wrote him for more. then, when the nurse came in and asked if we wanted henry to get the morphine when he wakes up during the night, i said "no, just keep it coming, even if he is sleeping." i remember someone once said "stay ahead of the pain" and that has been my mantra of late. don't wait for him to wake up in agony. keep him in a comfort zone. it worked. we only got up for vitals and for peeing and pooping and when the nurse made noise. no long sessions of moaning and discomfort. there was a lot of sleep happening in this room last night. henry actually sounds/seems like his almost normal self this a.m. when he woke up to go poo. the anger, sadness and pain have subsided a little. maybe even his counts went up a bit to round out this very encouraging night. there's the miracle i was asking for.
happy hannukah!
posted by Allen at 7:25 AM
Five minutes ago I ran into someone I used to know from my old job. She was visiting the building with some other people. She asked me how you were. I told her that you had died almost one year ago. She was sorry. I tried to change the subject so the other people wouldn't be too uncomfortable and I wouldn't cry. I walked back upstairs to where I sit. I am feeling pretty sad and upset but I need to get back to work. I just wanted to tell you how much I miss you.
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