We all went with Papa Teddy and Jeri to see the Lion King at the Kennedy Center. It is surprising how long it took us to get around to seeing this considering how much we love the movie.

I knew it would happen at some point and it did. I got all teary eyed right at the beginning when they sang, "The Circle of Life." I was fine for a while but then came the line,

"You deliberately disobeyed me."

Remember how I used to try and say that in a really low James Earl Jones (he was the guy who played Mufasa in the movie) voice whenever you and Jack did anything wrong.

I finally fell completely apart when when mufasa says - in response to kimba saying he never gets scared -

"I was scared I'd lose you."

That did me in.

The show was a lot of fun. Neither one of your brothers wanted to go, but I watched as Jack smiled and Joe danced in his seat throughout the production.

Today was Jack's first day of school. He is in the second grade. His teacher is Mrs. Kaye. I know that you were a big Mrs. Kaye fan. He was very excited. It was cute.

This weekend we went to St. Michaels. I was riding my bike back from the Oxford ferry when all of a sudden I started to picture you. It was an image that has been on my mind lately. You'll remember this: you, naked, on your back with your hands under your bent knees, jutting your feet into my face and demanding, "Smell my stinky feet!" I smiled. I have been waiting for the time when I would think of you and not cry or get sad. This was it. Finally.

Simon and Alex were out for a lot of the weekend and Ari came for a short visit. Simon and Ari have become big. They are boys now. That would have been you.

Mom got sick while we were there. It is the second time that she has had a fever since I've known her. I felt very bad because there wasn't much I could do for her. Then Joe got sick and it freaked me out a bit. Mom and I talked about it and we cannot remember him ever being sick. Fortunately, he has Mom's good never-get-sick genes.

Joe is about the size you used to be before you died. He'll be 3 years old next month and he weighs 33 pounds. You were 7 and weighed in the middle and upper 30s. I seem to remember you weighing 36 lbs. for some reason. We weighed you every time we went to the clinic. You'd think I would know exactly how much you weighed considering we were at the clinic a few times a week.

Last night and this morning when I held your little sick brother his size and weight reminded me of you; his fever and how hot his body got reminded me of you; and his bad cough was the icing on the cake. He feels so bad that he cannot do much except to lay on our bed; drift in and out of sleep; watch Lion King and look sweet and pathetic. When I came home tonight to find him laying on our bed, with his face flushed and hair brushed to the side I couldn't help but think how much he looked like you.

But there is one important difference. Even though he is sweating a lot his feet aren't stinky. He's got a ways to go.

Joe and I spent the perfect day today. We went bike riding all around. Whenever I tried to stop, Joe would say, "More." It was his first time on the bike seat. Then we went to the park and played on the swings and the slides. After that we went out for dinner together. He is a french fry maniac. When we got home Joe took a bath with a lot of "Bub-bles." We topped off the day with the brand new Lion King DVD and then it was time for bed.



Mom and Jack went to Baltimore for a sleepover with Debbie and Aaron, who came down from Philadelphia to meet them and go to the aquarium and the zoo. This is Sam Shoyer, Jack and you from the Baltimore Zoo last year. We went to the zoo and then we went up to Johns Hopkins for your PUVA treatment. It was strange travelling almost 3 hours round trip for a 5 minute office visit. I'm glad we added the zoo. Looking at this photo it is so clear to see how smiling came easy to you. I want to put up a whole group of photos just of you smiling. When we went to the zoo you had to wear sunglasses because of the photosensitivity caused by the PUVA drug, Oxysoralen. You were just one very cool dude.



Joe is very cute as he learns to talk. He calls penguins, "pengies." Whenever I am alone with Joe I think of you -- a lot. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and could not go back to sleep. I kept thinking about you and panicking. I turned on music and tried to sing along so I wouldn't think the sad thoughts that I have about you. I wish Joe slept in a big boy bed so I could have crawled in and snuggled with him. I finally fell asleep at about 6 a.m. and Joe thankfully stayed quiet in his bed until 8 a.m. Mom and Jack get back today. Yeah!

Dear Henry:

I took Jack to school this morning because Mom is traveling for work for a few days. We were listening to XM Kids when Circle of Life from The Lion King came on the radio. Hearing the song made me remember something Mom told me the other day. When Jack met those folks in St. Michaels and insisted that Mom tell them about you, the man put his hand on Jack's shoulder and said, "It'll be okay. You see, I have a sister who died. It's just the circle of life." I looked back at Jack and could see that he was remembering this too. I asked him if he thought you were like King Mufasa in the movie, always with us looking down from the stars. We were both pretty close to crying. I reached back and held Jack's hand and listened to the song with him.

Hey, do you remember how I always like to say, "You deliberately disobeyed me" from the movie. The Lion King is finally coming out on DVD. I am sorry it didn't come out while you were alive so we could have sung the songs and quoted lines together while watching on your portable DVD player.

I love you and miss you King Henry.

Hakuna Matata,

Dad

Hey Henry:

I've been reminded lately of the time, right before we went to Minnesota, that we went for a haircut. Since you were supposed to be in isolation I thought we'd be safe on this particular Wednesday morning because I thought there wouldn't be anyone else at Bradley Barbers. But there was some kind of "professional" day or something and kids in Montgomery County didn't have school. So we got there and had to sit in the last seat near the door while we waited for an open chair. You were wearing your mask. There were two brothers walking out and I wasn't focused on it, but I thought I heard one say something to the other about you. I asked you what he said and you told me not to worry about it. I was all ready to open up a can of whup-tushy on him and you were totally non-concerned and telling me to relax. Who was the kid and who was the dad. Thanks for helping me understand what is important.

Mom and I are ready to come out to the cemetery. We are planning to visit on Thursday. I asked mom how we are going to ever leave once we get there. Mom said it all depends on whether I think you are actually there. That's a tough one. I know you are in everyone's heart, but at the same time both me and mom can't help but think you are in your bed down the hall. But we did bury your body at the cemetery. Mommy said that she took her shoes off when she left the gravesite after the service because for years she worried how she’d ever walk away from burying you. There was 4 inches of freezing water soaking the ground. To tell you the truth, I am glad Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix is coming out in the summer. It would be tough to sit out in this frigid air and read to you. It's definitely electric blanket weather out now.

Mom went up to New York today for 2 days. Whenever she went away for her in vitro cycles and left you and Jack with me, you guys would make her pay for it when she got back. You wouldn’t be your normal sweetest guys in the world, but that’s okay because after a few hours or so you’d come around and let her know how much you love her. I bet you never did that on purpose or even realized it, but it always happened. It's a kid thing. Then you or Jack would say "Mama," which would make mommy melt and all would be fine. I miss Mama a lot right now. It is hard to be away from her and you.

Since Mom had to go to New York, Jack and Joe and I decided to take a field trip to the Maryland Science Center and the aquarium in Baltimore. On our way up to Baltimore we were passing by JPDS and Jack said to me, “Henry’s toys are my toys now.” I said that you would have wanted it that way. I told Jack that if you knew you were never going to wake up again, before you were intubated you probably would have told Jack to play with your toys. Then Jack said, “Maybe Henry thinks he is just still sleeping, maybe he thinks he is still in surgery asleep.” It is very sweet that he is thinking about you this way, making sure you are okay.

Thankfully, Baltimore wasn’t only Hopkins and the 8th floor clinic and Weinberg garage. Do you remember when we went to the Orioles game this summer? How did we have such great tickets?



Today we parked on the same side street where we parked in September when you, me and Jack went to the Science Center. You don’t know this but when we were in Minnesota I actually talked to the folks at the clinic there about what it takes to get a handicapped parking permit. Even though we usually had to carry you places, I never felt or wanted to believe we qualified. What made me think it was time.

Guess what, The Lion King is playing in the IMAX theater in the Science Center. You told me that you wanted to go see that. Man, so do I, so do I. Hey, did the big crab move when we were there? It was moving today and it was really cool. We went around the exhibits and we saw a “Stinkpot Turtle.” The Stinkpot lets loose a bad smell if disturbed or threatened, just like a skunk. How’d we miss that when we went this fall, us, the kings of stinky feet? The Stinkpot that lives in the exhibit sleeps in a log for solitude. I thought that sounded nice. For some reason it made me think of you.

They had a Lego marine life exhibit and had created a submarine out of yellow blocks. What was really amazing was the totally Lego toilet. There was also an exhibit of the Visible Human Project, which were really neat photos of the inside of a man who had died. I always used to tell you that you had probably more pictures taken of your insides than the outside.

When we were there in September, you bought a Star Wars pin at the gift shop. Today I bought you Loosy, a Canadian Goose Beanie Baby. I put it up on your pillow for you. Oh yeah, don't worry, I made sure to cut off the tag.



You can see that he is waving to you.

Jack and Joe and I walked back around the Inner Harbor and stopped and had dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. No-one was out. I think everybody was home getting ready for the Super Bowl. I really couldn't care less about football right now. When we headed back to the car it had gotten dark and snow was starting to fall. It was really cold and Jack wasn’t moving too fast. He was busy catching the big, fat flakes in his mouth. My favorite, most yummy thing in the whole wide world was keeping your ears warm. I know you liked it too when I’d cover your entire ear with my mouth and blow warm air on it to make it warm.

As we drove back the snow was really coming down. I asked Jack if we could listen to this CD of your favorite songs that we made to give away to people who came to the Shiva. I said that it would be nice to play it and think of you since you couldn’t be with us. Everything seemed so right and familiar today with the exception of you not being in your car seat trying to crack up Joe. Listening to the Henry CD, something I haven’t done in weeks, made me start to cry. I looked back because I heard Jack singing along and it looked like he had tears in his eyes. He was blinking his eyes and looking really sad. Joe was crying too, but he was just trying to poop. Through the tears and the snow it was really hard to see. I should only get sad on nice days.

I love you.

Dad