Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I was thinking about you this morning when I was driving Joe to school. I started to cry. I haven't done that in a long time. Felt good. Joe didn't know.

Really miss you a lot lately.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Last night I was reading to Joe as he was getting ready for bed. He interrupted me to say,

"You know, I think Henry is having a lot of fun."

I said,

"Henry who? Your brother Henry?"

And Joe says,


And I ask,

"How's that?"

And Joe tells me,

"'Cause he is with Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth."

And then he paused and added,

"And Jackie Robinson... and Hank Greenberg."

I was reading the Hank Greenberg book to Joe the other night and it seems that Hank had a brother 5 years younger named Joe. I thought that was a cool coincidence.

Joe still talks a lot about death. He told me he is sad that mom will die before him. I think he is fine with me, as I am chopped liver, dying before he does.

We had his parent/teacher conference with Elaine this morning. While we were waiting for it to start I looked at all of these old photos that are on the door to the Gan office. The photos have been there forever, but I've never really looked at them up close. I should have. You are all over them. There are photos of you from Reptile Day, from a Purim dress up day and all of these other special events whose names I can't remember. You were very young and very cute.

Elaine said that Joe is very sweet and a good kid all around. He likes to play sports and play out on the playground. He is also very competitive. We all agreed that Joe is in a big rush to be grown up because he spends so much time with Jack and all of Jack's 9-year old buddies and with your friends.

It has been really warm this winter and we have actually been able to still play a lot of baseball.

Everyone also agreed that Joe is a lot like you. Elaine told us how he, like you, really loves girls. Unlike you, he doesn't know how to play with or talk to the girls. He just watches them or -- like with Nina -- pretends he doesn't like them or is annoyed by them. He is very "macho" for his 4 years. Even though he is in a rush to grow up, he has plenty of time to figure out girls.

Missing you, and not really knowing what happens to people when they die, hoping you are having fun with Babe, Lou, Jackie and Hank.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Mom went skiing with Jack for the weekend. Joe and I are having a boy's weekend together. I picked Joe up at Joshua's 7th birthday party

and then we went to a Wizards basketball game at MCI arena.

I think he had a really good time.

Joe wears your Juwan Howard jersey all the time. It makes him look like you.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

The other day Mom told me that Joe is talking with her a lot about death. I said that he doesn't talk about it with me. Until yesterday. We were in the car and Joe explained,

"If we die we won't kiss or hug."

One of my favorite times of day is when I am dropping off Joe at school. Right before I leave, I say "Kiss and hug." Joe jumps up into my arms and we kiss and then hug and then I am okay to leave. The hug usually lasts a while.

Joe also said that he doesn't know where he'll go when he dies. He said that he doesn't want to be by himself.

Mom and I both tell him that he isn't going to die for a very, very long time. Someone told Mom that it is okay to just say, "You aren't going to die."

Neither of us can say that, though.