First things first. I miss you so much big man. I think about you all day and night and wish I could hold you, kiss you, watch you laugh and hear your voice. I don't want any more time to pass since the days we last spent together. I am afraid of losing the clarity of my memories of you.
Today is Jack's 6th birthday. He hasn't woken up yet. Jack is having trouble going to sleep at night. He won't tell me why. I got him a bean bag chair for his birthday, but gave it to him after we came home from Minnesota. I wonder if you would have liked it. Jack enjoys falling head first into the chair. Joe gets into it but has trouble getting out. You wouldn't recognize Joe. He is walking (or stumbling) and he is saying "ball." "Ball" was your first word too. Joe watches the Wiggles on TV. He holds the video and points to the television set. It's awesome.
I have so much to tell you. Tomorrow is Darrell Green's last football game. He is retiring from playing football with the Redskins the same way that Cal Ripken stopped playing baseball with the Orioles. Michael Jordan is still playing basketball with the Wizards but he has said that he will not play anymore after this season. You got to see a lot of great professional athletes play. I remember getting you out of bed to watch Mark McGuire break Roger Maris' homerun record. I am sorry we didn't get to go to a Wizards game or a Redskins game.
Today mom is going to pick up her Vespa scooter that Uncle Computer bought her. She was sad and he bought her a present to make her feel better. We used to do that with you all the time. The license plate for the scooter is going to be HSG, your initials. I had to wait on all these long lines at the Department of Motor Vehicles yesterday to get a license to drive the scooter and to get the license plates. I'm glad you'll never have to experience that. Mom had this dream of driving along with you on the back with your arms wrapped around her. I know she'll always think about you when she rides and will probably even be able to feel you next to her when she is cruising down the road.
Two days ago mom and I went to Georgetown to get haircuts. We went to Robert who gave you your first ever haircut. Mom even had a little envelope with some of your hair from that first haircut. She's gotta love you a lot to walk around with your hair for so long. After getting our haircuts we went and got licorice, which you might remember is something that you and I used to do often for mom. We stopped into one store and we ran into Liz Pavle, your camp counselor. She was very sad, and said she loved you a lot. Who didn't. Then we drove over to the clinic. Do you know that Suzanne and everyone said that you were their most favorite patient. When we got to the hospital we saw Dr. Abu Ghoush. We gave her some of your old Peptamen Jr. and other supplies. We are going to give them the blood pressure machine too. Hopefully another family will be able to use it. I threw all of your pills down the drain the other day. You would have loved that. It was kinda like when you dumped all of your CSA or whatever it was down the drain that time on the road to Minnesota. Sorry that we couldn't have gotten rid of those pills sooner. I know it was no fun for you.
Mom also gave the clinic your yellow toolbox, which she filled with all different sorts of bandaids. Dude, they have these new Star Wars bandaids that you'd love. The package is really cool; it has a hologram or something like that on it. We are going to make sure the toolbox is always stocked with good bandaids so the kids at the clinic have fun choices. You were the world's greatest bandaid lover. Speaking of boxes, Jack made a memory box where he put some of your favorite things. It will help him think of you. He misses you so much. I bought Stuart Little 2 to watch with him, but he really wasn't interested. It was more your kind of movie and I was sad that I couldn't watch it with you.
Yesterday I took care of talking with some of the few people who I haven't seen since you died. I went to the dry cleaners and they all knew you had died and were all very sorry. I saw Na at Fresh Fields and let her know. I cried when I told her. I also went to Morgans and saw Barry. I cried there too. I miss bringing you there and letting you pick out a treat. I picked up a prescription for me. It was pills to help me sleep. Like Jack, I have problems sleeping. Either I can't sleep or I have nightmares. I didn't take the a pill last night but probably should have. I thought I'd try to go to sleep without assistance and it didn't work.
Today we are going to take Jack to the zoo for his birthday. There is a new giraffe baby. Yesterday mom took Jack skiing for his birthday. He went with Nick and Jeffrey and Shelley. They all had fun. It was the kind of day that normally I would have spent with you at home cuddling on the couch, watching movies, being lazy, while Jack and mom were out being active and getting cold. Everything I do or don't do reminds me of you. This is a good thing. I can't wait to think about you today.
I invited mom to write to you too. Maybe we can read these to you out at the cemetery or something. I look forward to visiting you out there. I hope you're not cold or lonely. I wish I could keep you warm and safe. Maybe we can watch Stuart Little 2 together. I'll charge your DVD player. Oh yeah, next time I write I want to tell you about 2 things I got for my birthday, an iPod and TiVO. They were made for you.
All of my love forever.