Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Dear Henry:

You had a disease called Fanconi anemia. Having Fanconi anemia means you are missing the "Fanconi" gene in every single cell in your body. I feel like something similar has happened to me. I am missing you in every cell of my body. Just like you did for seven years, I can live with it but I feel it, it affects me. The only way anyone could tell by looking at you that you had Fanconi anemia is that your eyes were a little small. You shared those eyes with Molly, and Amitai and Emily Salo. Just like you, I have eyes that give away what I am missing. I look into my eyes when I sit at the gym (the whole place is mirrors) and I see my sadness. I see you not there.

The other day this guy at the gym asked me if the weights were in kilos. He had a foreign accent and did not speak English very well. I told him, "no they are in pounds." A good thing for him I was your dad. Having taken you to the clinic every day and having helped you weigh yourself in kilos and then pounds, I was very up on my metric conversion. I remember cheering any upward movement in your weight. Even if you really didn't gain any weight I made you think you did.

I went to New York yesterday and came back today. The train trip gave me a lot of time to think of you. I became very sad when I thought about what New York meant to us all of these years. Mom would always say that her trips to New York were life and death and I never thought too hard about it. She was right. If we had been successful at Cornell with Dr. Rosenwaks you would have been with us at the seder tonight.

I have a lot to tell you about my trip but I am pretty upset right now and don't feel much like writing. I'll fill you in tomorrow. The good news is Jack's loose tooth. I know how you wanted to lose a tooth.

I love you.


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