Dear Henry

Mom called me earlier. I asked where she was and she said Saks. One day I should tell you the story about how  - when I was a little kid - I was at Saks with Grandma Phyllis, Papa Teddy and Aunt Jen and these guys stole a bunch of fur coats and ran right past us through the parking lot. That was cool. Okay, so Mom was at Saks waiting for Aunt Abby. I had forgotten that on your birthday Mom gets a present from Aunt Abby. A pair of shoes. It might be because Mom came out of her shoes and walked through the freezing cold mud at the cemetery after your funeral. Or maybe it is because just for a moment when Mom puts on the new shoes she forgets how incredibly sad she is.

Jack is another person getting a gift for your birthday. I am giving him your swiss army knife. You probably don't remember this - on account of you were comatose - but I bought you a huge swiss army knife right before you died. This is what I wrote in the blog back then. I notice that I was writing about you and not to you like I started   right after you died.

i went with my dad and jack to get jack some big boy clothes for the funeral. i also bought henry the biggest swiss army knife they make. he always wanted one but laurie knew he was still too young. he doesn't have much of a palm but i put his fingers around it and he is holding it now. also, it is pretty ironic that we took jack to get something to wear when he couldn't care less. henry was the real clotheshorse in the family. he had style.

the clerk at the store asked if we were out having a shopping day. i wish i had the wherewithal to say, "no, we're removing life support from my son today."

we're working on funeral and burial arrangements now. i ran into the manager of the ronald mcdonald house earlier i found that i had to actually say, "my son is going to die today and we are going to be out of here by tomorrow morning.

posted by Allen Goldberg at 10:40 AM




Originally I wanted to give Jack the knife - hey, that sounds just like Mack the Knife which is a great song - when he turned 11 or something. The only problem is I kept thinking he'd hurt himself with it. I think he is definitely old enough now.

I was in Switzerland 3 weeks ago and found a really nice swiss army case for the swiss army knife. Every boy should have a knife. I hope Jack likes it - how could he not - and that he doesn't get too sad. I didn't want to give it to him on his birthday 'cause I didn't want to risk getting him sad right around his Bar Mitzvah.

We (me, Jack and Mom) are going to talk to the Rabbi next week about the best way to "include" you in the Bar Mitzvah. We don't want to get people too sad, especially me, or take away from Jack's moment. I am sure there is a good way to do it. I am working on a video for the party and will include some footage and photos of the two of you. I have so much. I also plan to do a book for Jack with photos of the two of you together.

It is Emma's Bat Mitzvah this weekend. That's gonna be a little tough perhaps too. Mom and I are skipping out on the family brunch on Sunday so we can go spend some time at the cemetery.