Letters to my son.
|
|
| Dear Henry Letters to my son. |
|
|
Wednesday, July 28, 2004  I wrote you a letter last night but it disappeared. I told you how I was still transferring videos of you on to DVD. I watched one called "Happy 7th Birthday to Henry." All of your classmates from JPDS sang Happy Birthday to you in English and in Hebrew. Mrs. Singer said that she missed you and loved you. I was thinking back about how I had wanted to get teleconferencing for you so you could see and hear your class, and they could see and hear you. I tried to get in touch with the CEO of a company that makes equipment that lets you do that. I never heard back. I should have been smarter about that. One other thing I tried to do and failed was to get the basement turned into a fun classroom and retreat for you.  I wrote an application to a television show called While You Were Out to have them come to our house when you were in the hospital and make the basement a classroom. You weren't in the hospital at the time, but unfortunately I knew that you would go back in sooner or later. I thought it would be a great surprise and make you happy. I never heard back from them either. Yesterday morning I met with some people who are going to make our house bigger. We couldn't do any construction when you were alive. We were told to keep you away from construction sites because the dust was dangerous for you. I think it will be a little crazy around here until they finish but it will be nice to have more space. I'll put up pictures of the changes. I am watching John Edwards, the guy who lost his son. He hasn't said anything about his son yet. We'll see. I love talking about you. I love writing to you. I love you.  posted by Allen | Wednesday, July 28, 2004 Photo of the day.  posted by Allen | Wednesday, July 28, 2004 Tuesday, July 27, 2004 Joe asked me to read this to him last night. I am pretty sure that I got it at the Barnes and Noble in the shopping center next to Calhoun Beach Club in Minneapolis. I bought it more for Jack, than you I seem to recall. This is the Thomas the Tank Engine book that features Henry. I never had noticed this page before. 
posted by Allen |
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Photo of the day.  This is us with President Clinton. He spoke on TV last night and was really good.  You were a Clinton supporter even when you were a baby. That is Aunt Alice feeding you at their beach house. President Clinton is really smart and knows a lot of things. One thing that you taught him about was Rescue Heroes. You were holding a card when we met him and you told him what it was. Cal Ripken was very cool because he really knew a lot about Pokemon when you talked to him. We had Jack stay up a little late to listen but he was busy reading and didn't really pay attention. I think that it might be a little hard for him to understand.   Bill Clinton was speaking at something called a convention. I have been to two and they are a lot of fun. On the photo above you see this thing hanging from my neck. It is called a credential. They let you go places at the convention. The other photo was taken inside the place where the convention was being held. If Elvis ran he'd win. My first job out of college was working for a guy named Walter Mondale who ran for President. He was from Minnesota. Check out the white stuff on my nose in the next picture. This was when I worked for Mondale for President. Remember how we used to sing the song I WANNA BE A LIFEGUARD Blotto Selling shoes Another loser working in a shopping mall 9 to 5 A slave driver telling me "Get on the ball!" A crowded store I kneel before them Misery beyond compare Sweaty socks A lady boxer What's she got against fresh air? I want an ocean and some sunscreen lotion Take me to the beach with a thousand pretty girls in reach I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (help,help,help,help) I, I, I wanna guard your life I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (lifeguard, lifeguard) Hardly any clothes (lifeguard) Sand between my toes (lifeguard) White stuff on my nose Selling shoes Another loser working in a shopping mall I'm getting fat What does it matter? Nobody cares at all But next July, I'll say goodbye to every out-of-it, dull-witted fool Convert their feet into meters, marking distance at the swimming pool Summer blondes revealing tan lines I'll make more moves than Allied Van Lines I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (be a big man, now...get a great tan, now) I, I, I wanna guard your life I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (lifeguard, lifeguard) Sitting on my chair (lifeguard) In the salty air (lifeguard) White stuff on my nose I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (help,help,help,help) I, I, I wanna guard your life I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (lifeguard, lifeguard) Lounging on the deck (lifeguard) Whistle 'round my neck (lifeguard) White stuff in my nose I, I, I wanna be a lifeguard (lifeguard, lifeguard)  Each time I went to a convention my guy, like Mondale, lost. So I just don't go anymore. It is better for the country. There is an election again like the one when Al Gore ran against George Bush for President. You guys voted in your class in the Gan.  This is a picture of me with George Bush's dad, George Bush. Isn't that interesting, they have the same name. Jews don't do that. We only name our babies after people who have died. I guess that is another way for the person who is dead to live on. I think it would hurt even more if you had a son who died who had the same name as you. George Bush, the daddy (and guy in the picture), lost a daughter. I wrote you a little while ago about John Edwards, who is running for Vice President, he lost his son. I wonder if he is going to talk about him when he speaks on TV later this week. When Al Gore gave one of his speeches he talked about almost losing his son, Al Gore, Jr. Clearly, they aren't Jewish either. Al Gore's son got hit by a car leaving an Orioles game. I remember when it happened. It seemed so terrible and scary.
posted by Allen |
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Monday, July 26, 2004 Photo of the day.  This was at Catherine and Tim's wedding. Jim and Sam just had a baby boy. You have a new cousin, Benjamin Ari Kreindler.   posted by Allen | Monday, July 26, 2004 We went to Pamela and Jeffrey's house in West Virginia this weekend. Ever since the Fourth of July, sitting on the roof of the car has become a big deal for Jack and Joe. Joe gets up there and says,"Fireworks." It is very cute. The house is down the block from a big stable with lots of great horses. You would have loved it. Both Jack and Joe rode Sugar the pony. Sugar was very nice. Joe said he didn't want to ride, but when I took him over to pet Sugar from her saddle, the next thing we knew Joe was riding around the barn.   Joe was wearing his cowboy boots. They used to be Josh's. Joe's favorite outfit is his pajamas and his cowboy boots.  We walked like that over to Fresh Fields the other morning.  We worked on our "loafing." West Virginia is a nice place to relax.  There is a song where they call West Virginia, "Almost Heaven." I guess we were a little closer to you, then. I want to come out to the cemetery. Hopefully I can come soon. Love you, cowboy.
posted by Allen |
Monday, July 26, 2004
Sunday, July 25, 2004 Photo of the day. I was swinging your David Ortiz bat this weekend. It feels nice. I wish it wasn't just gathering dust in my closet. Maybe Jack or Joe will use it when they get older. I think the Glover Park league has switched from aluminum bats to wood.  posted by Allen | Sunday, July 25, 2004 Saturday, July 24, 2004 Jack finished up rocket camp. His friend Maxwell was in his group. Next week Jack goes to movie making camp. I think next year he'll go to one camp for the summer. I think it is better that way. Sooner or later I hope he goes to Camp Ramah. That is where Aunt Jen went to camp. When I was a kid I went to Adas Israel's Camp Tel Shalom, but that isn't around anymore. Too bad because it was like going to the Gan. It was a lot of fun.  
posted by Allen |
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Jack and I went to Dave & Buster's at White Flint today. Everyone from my work went there to celebrate doing a good job. Jack is really good at the games and he had a great time. We went into this neat photo booth that makes drawings. Our drawing is based on the style of Leonardo Da Vinci, at least that is what the machine said.  Jack was a little bummed because he said he forgot to smile. I think he is really beautiful. posted by Allen | Saturday, July 24, 2004 Friday, July 23, 2004 Photo of the day. 
posted by Allen |
Friday, July 23, 2004
Thursday, July 22, 2004  Photo of the day.  More Minnesota. This was the day that you and Jack and Mom left for Washington on the Honeywell Jet. The man was nice to drop you guys off before heading to New Jersey. I drove. I still remember getting the last bits and pieces of our stuff out of the apartment at Calhoun Beach Club and into the Isuzu. We had sent most of it home by UPS. Boy, we collected a lot of stuff while we were there. Joe's favorite things to play with now are all of your Pokemon figures. He dumps them out of the bin and begs me or Mom to play "Kokomon" with him. I get on the floor before leaving for work in the morning and help Joe arrange them all in rows. That is playing "Kokomon." It was always exciting to find new Pokemon or Batman stuff for you while you were in the hospital or later in the apartment. I talked to Mom about ensuring that the "Magic Closet" is part of whatever we do with the Hope for Henry Foundation. Mom is working very hard on it. You'd be proud of her. I love you, Big Man.  posted by Allen | Thursday, July 22, 2004 Wednesday, July 21, 2004  Photo of the day. This was taken when we left the hospital after you were in for your bone marrow transplant. You have Fritos, Jack a chocolate chip cookie. I think we drove you around a bit to celebrate your freedom, and then took you to the apartment at Lake Calhoun. Looking back at it, that was one of the best days of my life.  posted by Allen | Wednesday, July 21, 2004 I dropped off band-aids at the Clinic this morning.  Of course there is something (or someone) missing from this photo. The parking guys! They still know me and let me just pull up and leave our car in front. I love that.  These were the Strawberry Shortcake bandaids. I have been very good about having "girl" bandaids for all of the Matchbox and Jimmy Neutron ones that we drop off. I think it is important we keep the Henry Toolkit fully stocked. It is fun to try and find bandaids that we haven't seen before. One thing that depressed me, no matter what hospital we were at, was when there were things for the patients and other kids that were broken or not taken care of. I remember there would be great TVs, or pinball machines or computer games that people donated and they wouldn't work or would be beat up. I think it is great to want to help but you need to make sure things are kept up nicely or else it is just a big disappointment. I think we'll be thinking about that when we do Hope for Henry stuff.
posted by Allen |
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
I'll explain all this tonight. But quickly, I met up with Mom and Joe and Jack at Guy Mason last night. The Fannie Mae Foundation softball team was playing. I was on the HSG so I was able to ride right up to the backstop. There was a hamster that Joe played with. He picked it up and had a blast. I think Jack was a bit scared of it and didn't want to touch it. The cool thing was that he said to me that he had touched so many different animals and reptiles in his long lifetime that he thought he'd give Joe an opportunity to pick up the hamster. He is smart. I took the pictures with my cell phone and the colors were all screwy so I made them black and white. It is hard to see the hamster but he's there.     I bought a chicken filet sandwich at Rocklands and ate over at Guy Mason. The woman thought I said my name was "Hamlet" when she took my order. Hamlet is a guy from a play by William Shakespeare. I wonder if you ever heard of him in school. Hamlet is known as the "Melancholy Dane."  posted by Allen | Wednesday, July 21, 2004 Tuesday, July 20, 2004  Photo of the day. We took this when the Make A Wish people came over to tell you about your trip to Disney World. I was telling Rich that it will be a shock for us to go back to Disney World and not walk in the exits. It was nice not having to wait in line.
posted by Allen |
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Monday, July 19, 2004  Photo of the day. I am using this new thingie to post pictures and it is really cool. I think I might be able to put stuff from our movies on here now, too. Stay tuned. posted by Allen | Monday, July 19, 2004 Sunday, July 18, 2004 I had a dream last night. We were all leaving the hospital together. We knew you were going to die but you were well enough to leave. When we were all walking to the car I realized that we should go to Disney World. Then I woke up. It was good being with you. It wasn't sad; it was nice. Today we went to a picnic for the Gan. Joe is starting there in the fall. The picnic was at Discovery Creek at Glen Echo. We haven't been back there since we were there with you. Joe rode the carousel.   He wouldn't go on the carousel at Funland, so this was a big deal. In all of the video of you that I am putting on DVD, there are a lot of carousels. Tonight there was even a real horse. Joe and I watched video that we took of you riding Jester at St. Michaels. When Mommy was putting Joe to bed tonight he said he wanted the pony to come to our house. Then he said he wanted Henry to come to our house. That made Mommy cry. I am missing you a whole lot lately. I think it is because of all of the video and the Gan and everything. I have been pretty low, but I am trying really hard to pull myself up. I love you.
posted by Allen |
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Saturday, July 17, 2004 Photo of the day.  posted by Allen | Saturday, July 17, 2004 Friday, July 16, 2004 Photo of the day.  Look how happy you were. That smile started very early. posted by Allen | Friday, July 16, 2004 Thursday, July 15, 2004 I watched the man who is running for Vice President, his name is John Edwards, and his wife on television this morning. They lost their son, Wade, when he was 16. What they said about him was beautiful. I've had to do that a couple of times, but I don't think I ever do you justice. Last night I transferred from videotape to a DVD the story about you that appeared on Nightline. I was psyched to see one of the opening shots was me holding up the DVD player for you while you were in a CAT Scan. I hadn't noticed that whenever I had watched it in the past. I could only watch about 5 minutes because I got way too sad. Jack has been incredibly sad lately. So sad that he cannot get to sleep. He tells Mom that he is afraid that you scared about being dead. I think he thinks you don't know where you are and are upset. I fell asleep with him a few nights ago and he was okay, so maybe we just need to talk to him as much as he wants to talk about it and fall asleep with him. I think a "wound" opened up for him, much like it did for me earlier this week. I think being out in St. Michaels surrounded by the entire family was just too much for me to handle. On Monday I started feeling that nothing mattered. Mom told me that Nana and Papa were pretty sad after everyone left, too. I wanted to tell you that I saw a man wearing a Dana Stubblefield jersey this morning. Remember how I taught you how to say his name. He really didn't do much for the Redskins. I think he may have gone back to San Francisco. We did love his name, though. posted by Allen | Thursday, July 15, 2004 Photo of the day.  posted by Allen | Thursday, July 15, 2004 Wednesday, July 14, 2004 This was last weekend in St. Michaels. When we toasted Nana and Papa's 45th Wedding anniversary, either Nana or Papa made a point to say we were incomplete. You were missing. I got all teary eyed. I knew someone was going to say something. I wanted to someone to say something (I can't) and I knew I was going to be sad. I hope this happens to me at all happy family events forever. I can be happy, but I need to feel you too. Somehow all of your cousins were wrangled into taking pictures before we sat down for dinner. Everyone looks really good. Rachel and Emma are beautiful; Jack and Michael are handsome; the twin terrors, Joshua and Sam are all grown up; and Joe is just plain cute. I think Nana and Papa look very relaxed and happy. Nana said something to me and Mom when we were taking pictures about thinking of you. I appreciate her saying these things and thinking of you, but I get too emotional to thank her or do anything more than give her a hug. She's the best. I love when people tell me they are thinking of you or missing you. It means so much to me that you are remembered as a person. A funny, smart, sensitive, loving, great to be around person. The last one of this bunch of photos is from 5 years ago at Nana and Papa's 40th anniversary. You and Michael were obviously having a good old time. I saw the photo on the wall in the kitchen in St. Michaels that I was thinking about with you "hovering." It was the photo of all of the cousins together taken during this same white t-shirt photo session. I like everyone wearing their own rag tag stuff better.        p.s. here are a couple more.  
posted by Allen |
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Photo of the day.  There was a lot of good video last night of you and Nana and Papa and Grandma. I didn't see Pop Pop Teddy. Mom suggested I put a DVD together of you with Nana and Papa and give it to them. I think that is a great idea. posted by Allen | Wednesday, July 14, 2004 Tuesday, July 13, 2004 I cannot believe what I am watching. Turtle Races! I am still transferring all of the video to DVD and tonight's tape is when we fist arrived in Minnesota. The beginning of the tape has you and Jack are saying hello from the parking lot of the Mall of America, and I am up to the point where you are hanging out with the Minnesota Viking cheerleaders. Dude! You are a dancing, high-fiving, hugging maniac. This is a great surprise. I am glad I have this on tape. One day I'll put a "Best of Henry" video on here (somehow) and I'll make sure to include stuff from the Turtle Races. Jack is Major D. Layer tonight when it comes to going to bed. Mom told me he fell asleep at camp the other day. We gotta figure something out.
posted by Allen |
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Photo of the day. This was you at SeaWorld in Orlando.  posted by Allen | Tuesday, July 13, 2004 This is a guy who I listen to on the radio. He confirms what I was thinking about what people believe is the worst thing that can happen to you.  I am glad you died in Mommy's arms. You went from the baby that I used to hold up and fly around in one hand hand to the kid that I couldn't lift at the very end to put you on Mom's lap because of all the fluid. You weighed a ton at the end. Kinda crazy since we spent all the time leading up to that just pleading with you to eat something. I love you handsome. posted by Allen | Tuesday, July 13, 2004 Monday, July 12, 2004 I saw this ad in a magazine at Nana and Papa Sy's house this past weekend in St. Michaels. Looks like my kind of place. I have never heard of it before and today I looked it up on the Internet and can't find it anywhere. Strange. Could be a good mystery for Scooby and Shaggy to solve.  posted by Allen | Monday, July 12, 2004 Photo of the day.  posted by Allen | Monday, July 12, 2004 Friday, July 09, 2004 I had been thinking about what I said yesterday and looked up Mark's article. I knew that the article came out before you died. I realized that before you died I probably wouldn't have noticed or been troubled about someone comparing business problems with their kid dying. Something didn't add up. Here is the part of the article that bothered me.  January 6, 2002 Mark Leibovich In a series of interviews between May and January, Saylor seemed at once humbled by his experience and bitter. At times, he drew comparisons between himself and victims of diseases or violent crimes. "I don't think that the trauma or stress I felt is any worse than the stress that a father feels when his son has leukemia," Saylor said last summer, describing his feelings during his company's sudden fall. "Or whose wife is dying. I think it's the same . . . in my case, it was my company catching leukemia." What a dummy. Mark had wondered if I'd be upset by that comment. I was but I also thought it was incredibly sensitive and very sweet of Mark to think of me. I always like to thank him for letting you sit in the front passenger seat when you went for pancakes. I am glad you had that opportunity, and I am glad that I put you on my lap and let you drive the car out in St. Michaels. We are going out to St. Michaels this weekend for Nana and Papa Sy's 45th wedding anniversary. I wonder if I'll get sad again at Black Dog Alley. Remember the photos we took of everyone in St. Michaels on their 40th anniversary? We all wore white. I thought it was a little corny. There was one great photo of you and Michael sitting on a bench with your arms around each others necks. But there was another of all of the moms and dads and kids together with Nana and Papa Sy, and you are a tiny bit above everyone - kinda hovering. I'll find that and put it on here. You are loved and you will be missed this weekend. I love you. posted by Allen | Friday, July 09, 2004 Photo of the day.  posted by Allen | Friday, July 09, 2004 Thursday, July 08, 2004 I heard something on the radio today that made me upset. There is a man, Ken Lay, who was the head of a big company called Enron in Texas. Aunt Jen used to live in Texas. The government says that this Mr. Lay did bad things that hurt his company and the people who worked there and people who invested in it. I'll explain investments later. So on the radio a man helping Ken Lay, his lawyer, said that when Enron went out of business it felt like the death of a child to Ken Lay. That is just a wrong thing to say. He doesn't know how that feels, which is a good thing. Someone else made the same comparison and that was wrong too. A couple of years ago, Mark wrote a a great story in the Washington Post about a man named Mark Saylor, who also headed a big company. When his company had a lot of problems and he lost a whole lot of money he compared it to losing a child. I don't know what it is with these people that they say that. Maybe they are imagining the worst feeling in the world and they think of the loss of a child. Maybe they should just say that when they lost a lot of money or their company went out of business they felt really bad. That would be better. You can make more money and you can start another company. I can't ever get you back. People say stupid things sometimes. Maybe that is why they are in so much trouble. I love you big man.
posted by Allen |
Thursday, July 08, 2004
I've been passing this van on the way to work. It just showed up on the street a few days ago. I think it is cool.  I took this picture with my cell phone. Isn't that crazy. posted by Allen | Thursday, July 08, 2004 Photos of the day.    posted by Allen | Thursday, July 08, 2004 Tuesday, July 06, 2004 Photo of the day.  posted by Allen | Tuesday, July 06, 2004 Monday, July 05, 2004 We went to St. Michaels for the Fourth of July. Aunt Abby and Uncle Andy's beach house just isn't quite finished and ready for visitors just yet. That was okay by me. I was sad there a year ago on the Fourth of July thinking back to our last time there together.  At the same instant that I started thinking about how I get sad at about the same spot each time we drive out of St. Michaels, Mom said to me, "That was a really nice weekend." It was. I think that the nicer the time I am having the more sad I get. We went to listen to a big band play at the Maritime Museum and everything was so perfect that I started to cry. We all sat out on the lawn and the weather was beautiful. Joe was jumping on top of Mommy and Nana, and Jack was laying back on top of me. I was happy and of course started thinking about you. The spot that had me thinking about how sad I get when we leave St. Michaels was right next to the Easton Airport on Route 50 crossing Black Dog Alley. That was the airport that you, me and Papa Sy flew into in Uncle Dan's plane. I read somewhere that there was an airport operating on a farm on Black Dog Alley for many years before the big one was built next door. The man who started that airport (which was on his farm) did so to be able to transport bootleg whiskey. Whiskey is a grown up drink, like wine. I think you tasted wine but you never tasted whiskey. It is pretty strong stuff. There was a man named Winston Churchill who was Prime Minister of England. Prime Minister is like being president. When Churchill used to get sad his family said that he was having a "Black Dog." That meant he was in a funk and grouchy. He was someone who liked whiskey. I went to Winston Churchill High School. I pointed it out to you whenever we drove by. It is out near where Bella lives.  The doggy behind Joe is Zoey. She is Aunt Alice and Uncle Peter's dog. Joe loves her and Jack wants nothing to do with her. I still think that Jack is scared of dogs because of the time when he was just a baby and he got nipped in the forehead by Aunt Alice and Uncle Peter's old dog - either Jinx or Harley - at their beach house in Bethany. Uncle Peter gave Mom and me a ride on his new boat this weekend. It is really big and really fast.  On Sunday night we went into Easton with friends of Mom and watched the fireworks from the Acme parking lot. It is the parking lot of the theater where we went with you and Jack to see Toy Story 2 and some other movies. It also happens to be the perfect spot to watch the Easton fireworks. Joe saw his first fireworks and absolutely loved them. He kept opening his mouth wide and smiling big each time one went off. Jack liked them but as you might remember he really doesn't like loud noises. That was too bad because we were very close to where they were shooting them off so the bangs were the loudest I ever heard. We are going to get earplugs for next year.   While we were in Easton we ran by the Wal Mart and picked up a few things. Wal Mart is the best place for Band Aids. We found Fairly Odd Parents, Hot Wheels and Strawberry Shortcake band aids to bring to Georgetown for the Henry Toolkit.  Joe went swimming. It took him a while to work up the courage to go all the way into the pool. He spent most of the time hanging out on the steps in all of his clothes - soaking wet - but he finally got comfortable with me holding him and walking through the water. I put him on the raft with Mom and he was in heaven - and so was Mom.  One of the neat things I noticed this weekend was that the ospreys are getting a little braver too. They are now leaving their nest, flying over to the dock and resting on top of the mast of the sailboat and one of the pylons. It is almost like after all of these years that Nana and Papa have lived there the birds finally trust us humans enough to come closer to the house without worrying. The birds still freak out when we paddle the kayak by the nest, but it is nice to see them coming closer. Joe and I do this thing on the front steps of our house where I lay down and he lays down on top of me and we watch the birds fly overhead. It is something that I never did (or don't remember doing) with you and Jack. It is our special thing. When we were in St. Michaels this weekend, Joe said "let's look at birds," and we laid down together and watched. The funny thing is that no birds flew by. And, as you know, St. Michaels is the bird capitol. I don't know where the herons, or the osprey or the bald eagles were, but I didn't care. I had Joe laying down on top of me. posted by Allen | Monday, July 05, 2004 Friday, July 02, 2004 I went with Jack and some friends to see Spiderman 2 tonight. It was great. Or as you would always say after every movie you saw, "It was the best movie ever!" In the middle of the movie, Peter Parker's Aunt May starts to explain in a really beautiful way why the boy who lives across the street from her, Henry, wants to be Spiderman when he grows up. She says to Peter, "I believe there's a hero in all of us." Like I always say these days, I'm glad they make movie theaters so dark. I still remember very clearly you and I watching Spiderman on the flat screen TV at the Bose store in the Mall of America. We definitely weren't shopping; we were just watching. It was right outside the Lego store. I found a cool Lego site on the Internet that I want to show to Jack. Nana and Papa said they went out to the cememtery and the things we left you were no longer tamped down next to your headstone. Now they are up on the bench. I am worried they won't stick around now. Hopefully they'll be there next time we visit. They're working on a new Batman movie. I love you.
posted by Allen |
Friday, July 02, 2004
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 | ||||
| |||||