Jack said yesterday that he liked it when you were "in charge of Joe." He meant that he liked it when you, as oldest brother, were responsible for keeping Joe from making mischief or getting hurt. Joe is so good at getting into trouble that he is a lot of work for mom and Jack and me. I made him broccoli for dinner. Jack and I and watched him take some and put it in the toy chest. He's sneaky. You were really good at making sure Joe was loved and safe. I think about how he will be a different person than he would have been if you were still around. Not better, not worse, just different. I'll try my best to help him know his brother Henry.
We went to the cemetery again today for the unveiling of Grandma's headstone. It was sunny for once. I think today was a little harder than the other night. We all put bright, colored stones on your marker. They were turquoise, blue, white, pink and brown. Sometimes I have a little trouble catching my breath when I think really hard about you. I tried to think about Grandma and you today and it was a little too much for me. I felt out of breath. I told Jack that I was sorry he had to do so many sad things. He smiled. I think he is a little like me when he does that. I told him he didn't have to smile when he is sad.
Uncle Dan and Hannah are flying back on Uncle Dan's plane and Aunt Jen is heading back to St. Louis on a big airplane. Jack slept over Pop Pop's with Hannah for two nights in a row. She is like a sister to Jack (and you). It makes Jack feel good to have a sleepover with Hannah. He must feel the way he used to feel when he slept in the bunk bed with you every night.
Judah Drelich's mom stopped me at school on Friday to tell me that Judah says the Kaddish for you every Saturday. Everyone is still thinking of you.
I'm thinking of you.