Saturday, December 18, 2004
Today is my birthday and the anniversary of your death -- by the Hebrew calendar. Mom and Joe and Jack and I went to synagogue this morning. Helaine came too. That was really nice of her. I wore your Pokemon kippah. There was a Bar Mitzvah. It was a guy who went to JPDS. That was a nice coincidence.
Mom and I went out for dinner tonight. I wasn't really into "celebrating" my birthday. Is it too late to change my birthday? I don't think it'll ever be "Happy" again as long as it is a week after you died.
I again didn't have a clue what to wish for when blowing out the candles on my birthday cake. I went blank. Next year I'll figure it out in advance.
There are a lot of candles this time of year. We just finished lighting eight days of Hannukah candles and then it was time for your candle.
I took your Yahrzeit candle into our room. It was downstairs in the kitchen, but I really felt like it was leaving you there while the rest of us were upstairs cozy in our beds.
Sometimes it feels like two years, sometimes it feels like less, sometimes it feels like forever.
I love you.