Monday, May 12, 2003

Dear Henry:

I came home from work at a "reasonable" hour tonight (that means before Joe has gone to bed) and as I was driving up Calvert Street I started to cry. It kinda came from nowhere. I didn't understand what I was feeling and so I thought that maybe I was remembering all of the times we walked up the street together to go get ice cream, or rode your bike or whatever. I parked the car on the street and walked in and Mom was reading to Jack and Joe on the couch. Mom got everyone to say, "Hi Daddy." It was really sweet. Just at that moment, though, I realized why I had become so sad. It was all very backwards. I cried, then I walked into the house and you were not there. I mean it was so obvious that you were missing. I was excited to see everyone but at the same time sad not to see you. There are four where there needs to be five.

We spent the rest of the evening wrestling. Joe isn't really much of a wrestler. I don't know if that will change as he gets older I hope it does. Jack misses his wrestling buddy. When we were at the cemetery Jack walked over alone to your grave and had a private conversation with you. I hope it was good. He misses you so much. Yesterday he was on the verge of tears a lot of the day after our visit. I have so many tears inside of me that I need to get out. I keep having "small" cries, but I feel like I need to weep. I bet if I read back through this and the other site my tears will all come out.

You know what I miss. I miss finding you in our bed all of the time. Whenever Mom and I went out, you'd just fall asleep in our bed -- my side was your side.

Big sigh.

I'll talk to you later. Maybe I can get Jack to write a letter to you on here.



p.s. Did that picture look funny? It's upside down! Fooled ya. I bet I didn't, though. You're so smart.

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