Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Dear Henry:

I was on the checkout line at Whole Foods (Fresh Fields) today and the woman standing behind me said, "Hi, I'm a friend of Scudi. How is Henry?" You know I kinda like that you are still alive in some people's minds.

I had motivational problems again at the gym today. There is some sitting around between lifting the weights and my mind always drifts to you. I try to turn up the iPod (I need to tell you about that cool thing I got for my birthday), but I can never turn it up loud enough or don't want to turn it up so loud as to drown out my thoughts of you. So there I am sitting on this bench feeling like I am going to cry. Not the best image for "pumping iron." One song that played today was I'm Not Down by a group called the Clash. That was pretty inspiring.

You know a funny thing has happened since you died. Every song I hear makes me think of you. Mostly these are love songs and they're about love that mommies have for daddies, and daddies for mommies. In fact, the last time I felt that every song I heard was really about me was when I first fell in love with Mommy. One song I heard yesterday said, I won't hold you in my arms until I can hold you in my heart. I think I have to be satisfied with holding you in my heart. It's hard but it is all I've got now.

My arms miss you.


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