Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Mom dreamt about you last night. She said that she was introducing you to someone and when she looked at your ears they were red. And then she thought, of course they're red because you are sick. When she looked at you it wasn't you but Joe.
When Mom told this to me in the kitchen this morning there were tears in her eyes. I told her that I was sorry she had such a sad and scary dream. But I was also thinking how lucky she is to dream about you at all.
Tonight we are going out for Jack's birthday - a belated party - followed by a party for Nana and Joshua's birthday. They were born the same day 62 years apart. Josh turns 8 today. That means he is older than you were. I think it will be weird when Joe turns 7 - how old you were when you died. You will always seem like the oldest with the exception of Michael and Hannah.
We leave on Friday for Hannah's Bat Mitzvah. It is going to be almost a B'nai Mitzvah for Hannah and for you. It is one of the most beautiful, wonderful gestures and I cannot begin to think how much I love Aunt Jen, Uncle Dan and Hannah for doing it - and how incredibly sad this is going to be.
This is the sadness of the Bar Mitzvahs that I mentioned before to you. It used to be that I got sad at bris's and baby namings. Now it is Bar Mitzvahs. Hannah's, Ari's, Jake's and Simon's will be especially hard.
On Saturday, along with Aunt Jen, Uncle Dan and of course, Hannah, I am reading Torah. The other day when I was practicing my aliyah I started to think that maybe this is me doing it for you. I can't think that when I am up on the bimah or I'll never be able to get through it.